Written by Ashley Livingston
Hey all! I’m back to chat self care. It is one of the topics I geek out on and firmly stand behind, especially for Fempreneurs!
It is a requirement of working with me – in that I help you see this as a non-negotiable vs a nice to have – and for many of my high achieving clients, it is a practice we must introduce, and finesse over the course of our time together.
Why do I focus here?
Because I believe before you can effectively pour into others and create impact for others – you must first pour into yourself. And that isn’t how most of us were raised!
As high achieving, people pleasers and perfectionists, you’ve been sold a bill of fake goods – that has had you sacrifice your rest, your goals, your boundaries, your time, your dreams to keep other people (including your clients) happy, fulfilled, and comfortable.
How do I know?
Because I was once like you – struggling to rest, pulled in a million directions and staying so busy that self care seemed frivolous and frankly pretentious. I thought it was a “nice to have” for the lucky, those who “had it easy” and the rich.
I was wrong. (P.S. Please don’t tell my family I uttered those words…. I still have a solid reputation to uphold).
Let me tell you a bit about my self care journey and what I now understand self care to be or not to be. (#shakespere)
Back in the day – my 20’s, and even into my 30’s – I was that busy high achiever who believed in order to take care of myself, I needed to clear a full day, book some very expensive spa treatments, completely unplugged and not talk to anyone. It was one example of my previous ALL OR NOTHING approach to life.
It was also expensive, restrictive and fed into my “if you’ve done enough and earned this then you can….” mindset. And since money was tight and I never believed I had done enough or was enough, I couldn’t justify spending the money or time on myself for myself.
It was crap. And I basically felt exhausted, frazzled, bitter, resentful, judgmental and irritable pretty much all the time. I was easily angered.
I described myself as “busy”, I complained way too much, I blamed my circumstances, and I also believed this just was what being an adult, fempreneur and mom was all about.
Let’s also layer on the guilt I felt when I took time for myself.
That was a doozy – the guilt of leaving my child and family to go enjoy time for myself made it not fun, as did the multiple arrangements and favours I’d have to call in to make it happen. Plus, the guilt of putting an out of office or better yet, not putting one and having emails from clients go unanswered for a day was too uncomfortable.
These people all needed me… and where was I? The Spa? Who was I to step away?
Needless to say, self care back then was all or nothing, laced with guilt and since it was also expensive and tied to worthiness, it happened maybe once a year.
If you are nodding your head along don’t worry this gets better – there is another way!
Now let’s fast forward to the wiser, more evolved version of me. I’ve learned a few things in the past decade (eek) that I want you all to benefit from so you can course correct perhaps faster than me, or frankly at anytime – its never too late.
As I began my own personal growth journey my coach at the time asked me a few questions that had me stumped.
- What time do I create just for me?
- What do I enjoy doing?
- What daily self care practices do I have?
My answers?
- None
- I don’t know
- Huh?
And this my friends is where we started.
I learned that self care wasn’t just a treat but rather a requirement to fuel my mind, body and soul. That when fueled I had more energy, more patience, greater creativity, compassion and more capacity. And with these gifts I noticed I was yelling less, feeling calmer, my ability to make decisions was easier and overall I had a better outlook on life.
Turns out being stressed all the time makes you not that enjoyable to be around and self care helps reduce the effects of stress!
So if self care isn’t spa days, what is it?
For me and my clients it is consistent daily/weekly activities that I do to intentionally care for myself. These activities are built right into my weekly schedule and in the rare case when I skip them – I feel it.
Here are some of my top recommendations for daily habits you can try:
- Create a morning routine for alone time BEFORE others in your home require anything from you
- Breathwork
- Meditation
- Yoga or stretching
- Movement – walking, strength training
- Sitting down for your meals
- Meal prepping
- Eating whole foods
- Drinking water
- Journaling
- Sleeping 8-9 hours a night
- Reading
You do not need to do all of these things but a couple of them a day will support your mind, body and soul. Will help you be more intentional on pouring into yourself. If nothing on this lists lights you up or brings your joy – find somethings that do. It is about time for you. To slow down, be intentional and fuel yourself!
Self-care is no longer a nice to have that falls to the bottom of my giant to do list or only something I can do once everyone else is taken care of, but it is now my top priority because I know when I am thriving, when I am full, when I am resourced, regulated, fueled I am unstoppable.
I can create space and hold amazing space for my clients.
I can hold space for my preteen son.
I can hold space for my partner.
I can hold space for myself when the limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome try to take over.
When the doubt creeps and I know exactly how to take care of myself .
If you are caught in a cycle of too busy, hustle and lost in your to do list with self care being a “task” that never seems to get done then I encourage you to try something from this list, consistently for a month, put it on your calendar and see how it changes your life.
You are worthy and deserving of time for yourself and it will improve your relationships, your health, your business and your ability to focus.
Not sure you know where to start? Reach out and I will happily offer support and guidance to get you on track and feeling fueled, calm and ready to create the life of your dreams!
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Meet Ashley:
Ashlee Livingstone is a success coach and breathwork facilitator who empowers driven individuals to achieve their highest goals with clarity and focus. With a background in personalized support, Ashlee specializes in helping clients connect with their ‘why’ to overcome overwhelm, create actionable plans, and stay on course. Her unique approach combines strategic guidance with transformative breathwork, providing clients with the tools to navigate challenges and experience sustainable success. Whether you’re looking to break through mental blocks or gain a clear path forward, Ashlee is committed to helping you achieve lasting, meaningful progress.
Find her here: Website | Instagram | Breathwork Freebie
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